Here you are; searching for a way to feel better, to feel understood. If you find yourself here, I bet you have often felt you don’t belong. When you think back on your childhood you have a feeling that no one ever really “got you.” You were told you were too much. You were too sensitive, too strange, too weird, had too many feelings. The only logical thing you could do was make yourself smaller. You shut down, hiding your feelings from everyone. You only ever showed your “happy.” As an adult you work hard to save face. You’re terrified to share your true feelings in front of co-workers and family. Even in intimate relationships (partners or friends) you only share parts of yourself. You shed tears only in privacy, alone in the bathroom, at night before falling asleep, away from everyone else who might judge you. You don’t want to BURDEN anyone.
You were never given skills to work with your emotions. You have tried everything you can think of to figure out what do with feelings. You push down the feelings, you try to exercise them away, you try to meditate to find peace, you try using logic to get away from feelings. You have done everything to be “healthy.” You might have even tried to OWN being “special” or being a “weirdo.” You tried your hardest to own these labels because you knew you were different from everyone else. You didn’t want to feel the pain of being so different, of being an outcast. Even with all this trying you still find yourself with intense feelings. You feel overwhelmed by your feelings. You’re at a loss of how to cope.
You have an internal dialogue that goes something like this from different parts of you:
Your anxious part comments all day with thoughts like this: “What is Amy (my boss) going to think if I don’t get this done? Oh, I forgot to add that to my to-do list. I have so many emails to answer, will they ever stop. I need to go to the grocery store, when is that ever going to happen; there’s so much work to do. I can’t believe I said that yesterday, Amy must think I’m not very smart. I have a headache again; I’m worried I might have a brain tumor.” There’s a never ending stream of thoughts or a feeling in your body of needing to act now. This is anxiety taking front stage…read more here.
Then your depressed part comes in, feeling like glum Eeyore: “There’s too much in the world to do. I’m SOOO tired. I wish I could lay in my bed forever. It’s so hard to get up. Motivation has vanished. I just want to curl up under my blanket forever.” Depression takes over the body making every movement feel so heavy and slow. It’s hard to find satisfaction out of anything. Life feels flat…read more here.
When anxiety and depression are common for you it might be due to complex trauma (or experiences in childhood). You might hear statements like this in your mind or have a deep feeling of unrest: “I feel so worthless. Deep down I feel fundamentally flawed. What is so wrong with me? I’m never going to be good enough. I really hate myself.” When you didn’t have anyone to accurately reflect and respond to your emotions it can create a trauma response. You might also have experienced many violations as a child (to your body, emotions, or mind). Sorting through the complexities of multiple traumas that are unclear and may have begun before you were born is overwhelming. When you were hurt in relationship the best way towards healing is through a safe relationship; even though that sounds terrifying. You can find healing and more ease in your body. Read more here…
Suicidal thoughts make so much sense when trying to escape all the feelings. When feelings make no sense it seems they are too hard to deal with. When life feels overwhelming suicidal thoughts may come in as a possible solution to “problems.” You might find you are thinking things like this (or maybe you’ve lived with suicidal thoughts for much of your life): “Life is too hard; I’m a burden to everyone. They would be better without me. It’s time to end it all. I wish I could just stop existing. What if you kill yourself this way? I just want out.” When suicidal thoughts have a grip over you, they can be all consuming. There is a way through the suicidal thoughts without needing to act on them. Read more here…
You may have found some strength in your spirituality. As a child you might have been part of a religion and turned away from the religion. However, you still experience yourself as a spiritual being. You are a seeker. You search for meaning and spiritual experiences have helped shape your life: You might find thoughts like this running through your soul: “I want to do a tarot reading about this. I’m glad I have my smokey quartz with me, it helps me feel so much more grounded. God surround me with your presence and love, I need your help and guidance now. I hope my pastor calls me back, I need more support. I wonder what else might help me feel better.” Spirituality can be a source of strength. However, at times it can also leave you questioning what is really going on or why is life still so hard. Through Internal Family Systems therapy (IFS) we can work to help you unlock more of your deep spiritual knowing. You can use deep intuitive soul knowing to heal past trauma. We can lean into spiritual knowing to help you live the life you’ve been dreaming about. Read more about IFS here…
If any part of this resonates with you feel free to read more on each service page.
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